1. You can name all the players from the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia, one name also cannot come out.

2. When Streamyx come, you complain Streamyx too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say Streamyx still the best.

3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there’s SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.

5. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in University, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in University and do commerce.

6. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceramah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organize a protest and ask you to go, you don’t want. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

7. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say ‘Wah! Very clever hor?‘ When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say ‘Aiya! Of course lah! He is Malay mah!’

8. When an Ang Moh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

Posted by limpek | 4 Comments » | 2,045 views

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it’s really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

Why do people say PIN number when that Truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your appetite and won’t eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?

Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Posted by limpek | 2 Comments » | 839 views

4 friends, an Indonesian, a French, a Malay, and a Chinese, went hiking together. When they reached the top, the Indonesian took out a cigarette and started smoking halfway before throwing his pack of cigarettes down the hill. He said, “My country lacks of everything except of cigarettes.”

Not to be outdone, the French took out an expensive bottle of fragrance, put it on, and threw the remaining down the hill. “My country lacks of everything except of fragrances.”

When they both turned their heads to the Chinese, they looked in horror as the Chinese kicked his Malay friend down the hill. “My country ah, what also don’t have, only have a lot of Malays.”

Posted by limpek | 4 Comments » | 948 views

One day, one Mat Salleh from United State arrived in KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the custom, he felt that he wanted to go to the toilet, so he looked for a toilet.

When he found the toilet, there was an old lady sitting in front of the toilet. When he was about to enter the toilet, the old lady stopped him and said forty cents in Cantonese (Sei Kok), the Mat Salleh just wonder why in Malaysia, they have to “see the cock” before entering the toilet.

So he said “No”, but the old lady insisted. Since he got no choice, he took out his cock and showed to her. The old lady said “no, no, no, Duit, Duit” (“money” in Malay) but the Mat Salleh misunderstood again because he thought she said “DO IT, DO IT.”

So, he asked “Now, Here?”

The old lady just reply “Yes, Yes” because she does not understand English.

The Mat Salleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he strip up the old lady and make love to her, but the old lady was screaming and said “Sakit, Sakit” (“pain” in Malay) and again he thought is “suck it, suck it” so he replied “OK, I will suck it for you” and take her breast and sucked.

The old lady again screamed “Oh, TUHAN!” (“Oh, My God!” in Malay).

The Mat Salleh misunderstood again. “Too HARD, OK sweet heart, I will be gentle a bit, OK?”

Suddenly the Security Office walked by, and the old lady was asking for help, “TOLONG, TOLONG, ENCIK.” (“Help, Help” in Malay).

But the Mat Salleh replied “Not too long, just about 6 inches only.”

Posted by limpek | 6 Comments » | 1,408 views

It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and there have 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical device starting with the letter “L”
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
MC: No. Radio does not start with the letter “L”

Then, move on to the second question.

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with “L”
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
MC: Oh..No, no!

MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruit starting with “L”
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!

The Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really be disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having so many problems with the letter “L”, they decided to give her another chance.

MC: OK, the final question is: Name me parts of human body starting with “L”
Miss USA: Lung
Miss Malaysia: Liver
Miss Singapore: LAN CIAU!! OMG, the Judges fainted instantly!

By the way, you can only appreciate the joke above if you understand that some Chinese educated people are having problem pronouncing words starting with the letter “R”. They usually pronounce it with “L” instead or “R”

Posted by limpek | 3 Comments » | 3,955 views