An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for gaining US Visa.

Consultant : What is your name?
Arab: Ahmad Kutu

Consultant: Sex?
Arab : five to six times per week

Consultant: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consultant: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consultant: Man,…isn’t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consultant: Oh…dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast

Posted by limpek | 1 Comment » | 370 views

During this economic crisis, President Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Country A.

One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr. Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh (Malay Feng Shui Teacher) also can, and went to seek the top bomoh’s advice in the country. After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr. M that there were 2 things that he must do:

Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr. M: Why?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for ‘Speculate On Ringgit or Stocks’. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr. M: What! Why him?

Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for ‘A Nation Without Any Ringgit’.

Dr. M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh: Aiyo, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly!

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Little Michael was heard by his mother reciting his homework: “Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch…”

“Michael !” shouted his mother. “Watch your language! You’re not allowed to use the swearwords.” “But, Mom,” replied the boy, “that’s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.”

Next day Michael’s mother went right into the classroom to complain. “Oh, heavens !” said the teacher. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say, ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’ “

Posted by limpek | 2 Comments » | 385 views

A few years ago, Prime Minister Ahmad was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Bush.

The instructor told Ahmad; when you shake hand with President Bush, please say ‘how are you’. Then Mr. Bush should say, ‘I am fine, and you?’ Now, you should say ‘me too’. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.’

It looks quite simple, but the truth is…

When Ahmad met Bush, he mistakenly said
‘Who are you ?’

Mr. Bush was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor.
‘Well, I’m Hillary’s husband, ha-ha…’

Then Ahmad replied
‘me too, ha-ha…’.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 409 views

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song “Ah Cheng Beh Ro Ti” (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread)

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to reselect another song. The Ah Bengs were kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs were actually asking for the song “Unchained Melody“.

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 295 views