Girlfriend’s lap pillow
A pillow imitating a woman’s legs made from urethane foam.

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Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 433 views

Taking off the clothes:
-With her permission: 12 cal
-Without her permission: 166 cal

Taking the bra off:
-With both hands: 8 cal
-With one hand: 11 cal
-With one hand being slapped: 53 cal
-With the mouth: 91 cal

Putting on the condom:
-With erection: 6 cal
-Without erection: 335 cal

Preliminaries:
-Trying to find the clitoris: 14 cal
-Trying to find the G spot: 107 cal
-Without giving a damn: 0 cal

Positions:
-Missionary: 13 cal
-Doggie-Style: 19 cal
-69 lying down: 20 cal
-69 sanding up: 137 cal
-Hostess trolley: 223 cal
-Italian Chandelier: 934 cal

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An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate, Siva the God said, ‘Come on in. I’ll show you around. You’ll like it here.’

Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner.

It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, ‘God Siva, what’s the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?’

God Siva replied, ‘The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.’

‘For instance, this clock is for VK Lingam, the lawyer. If you watch it closely, it will move.

‘Click’ The minute hand on VK Lingam’s clock moved one minute. ‘Click’ It moved another minute. ‘VK Lingam must be with some judges right now.’ said God Siva. ‘The minute hand on his clock moves all day.’

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Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 559 views