2 nude statues man n woman are built staring at each other in front of a pretty little garden. One day an angel comes down n turn them into real life humans.

“Do whatever u want to do! You have 30mins!” said the angel.

Excited, the 2 nude man n woman ran over to the bushes and there were sounds and movements all over the bushes. After 15min, they came out laughing and tired.

“You 2 still have 15min more to go” reminded the angel.

the male statue turns to the female n say “you wanna do it again?”

“Yes please. But this time i get to hold the bird’s leg and you poop on its head” answered the woman.

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 222 views

Our communication - Wireless
Our phones - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our food - Fatless
Our Sweets - Sugarless
Our labor - Effortless
Our relations - Fruitless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Worthless
(more…)

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 320 views

Taking off the clothes:
-With her permission: 12 cal
-Without her permission: 166 cal

Taking the bra off:
-With both hands: 8 cal
-With one hand: 11 cal
-With one hand being slapped: 53 cal
-With the mouth: 91 cal

Putting on the condom:
-With erection: 6 cal
-Without erection: 335 cal

Preliminaries:
-Trying to find the clitoris: 14 cal
-Trying to find the G spot: 107 cal
-Without giving a damn: 0 cal

Positions:
-Missionary: 13 cal
-Doggie-Style: 19 cal
-69 lying down: 20 cal
-69 sanding up: 137 cal
-Hostess trolley: 223 cal
-Italian Chandelier: 934 cal

(more…)

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An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate, Siva the God said, ‘Come on in. I’ll show you around. You’ll like it here.’

Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner.

It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, ‘God Siva, what’s the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?’

God Siva replied, ‘The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.’

‘For instance, this clock is for VK Lingam, the lawyer. If you watch it closely, it will move.

‘Click’ The minute hand on VK Lingam’s clock moved one minute. ‘Click’ It moved another minute. ‘VK Lingam must be with some judges right now.’ said God Siva. ‘The minute hand on his clock moves all day.’

(more…)

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A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court.
But the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world,
She should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children.
The Judge asked for his side of the story too.

After a long moment of silence,
The man rose from his chair and replied: “Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?”

Don’t laugh, but the man won!

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 413 views