During this economic crisis, President Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Country A.

One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr. Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh (Malay Feng Shui Teacher) also can, and went to seek the top bomoh’s advice in the country. After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr. M that there were 2 things that he must do:

Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr. M: Why?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for ‘Speculate On Ringgit or Stocks’. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr. M: What! Why him?

Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for ‘A Nation Without Any Ringgit’.

Dr. M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh: Aiyo, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly!

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Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song “Ah Cheng Beh Ro Ti” (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread)

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to reselect another song. The Ah Bengs were kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs were actually asking for the song “Unchained Melody“.

Posted by limpek | No Comments » | 297 views

Amy menyampaikan hasrat hatinya kepada bapanya untuk berkahwin dengan Handsome, jejaka pilihannya yang juga adalah jiran dan teman sepermainannya sejak kecil lagi.

Amy: Ayah, Robert melamar saya. Kami mahu berkahwin.

Ayah : Apa? Tidak boleh! Kamu boleh berkahwin dengan sesiapa saja kecuali Handsome.

Amy: Kenapa?

Ayah : Kerana Handsome sebenarnya adalah abangmu. Tapi, jangan beritahu ibumu ye!
Terkejut dengan jawapan itu, Amy pergi pula ibunya.

Amy: Ibu, Ayah melarang saya berkahwin dengan handsome.

Ibu : Tak usah dengar cakap ayah kamu tu. Kamu boleh kahwin dengan sesiapa yang kamu suka termasuk Handsome.

Amy: Tapi kata ayah, Handsome itu abang saya. Adik beradik kan tak boleh kahwin.

Ibu : Hmmm…. Ayah kamu pun tak tahu kamu bukan anaknya.

Posted by limpek | 1 Comment » | 213 views

1. You can name all the players from the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia, one name also cannot come out.

2. When Streamyx come, you complain Streamyx too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say Streamyx still the best.

3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there’s SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.

5. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in University, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in University and do commerce.

6. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceramah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organize a protest and ask you to go, you don’t want. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

7. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say ‘Wah! Very clever hor?‘ When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say ‘Aiya! Of course lah! He is Malay mah!’

8. When an Ang Moh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

Posted by limpek | 4 Comments » | 666 views

One day, one Mat Salleh from United State arrived in KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the custom, he felt that he wanted to go to the toilet, so he looked for a toilet.

When he found the toilet, there was an old lady sitting in front of the toilet. When he was about to enter the toilet, the old lady stopped him and said forty cents in Cantonese (Sei Kok), the Mat Salleh just wonder why in Malaysia, they have to “see the cock” before entering the toilet.

So he said “No”, but the old lady insisted. Since he got no choice, he took out his cock and showed to her. The old lady said “no, no, no, Duit, Duit” (“money” in Malay) but the Mat Salleh misunderstood again because he thought she said “DO IT, DO IT.”

So, he asked “Now, Here?”

The old lady just reply “Yes, Yes” because she does not understand English.

The Mat Salleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he strip up the old lady and make love to her, but the old lady was screaming and said “Sakit, Sakit” (“pain” in Malay) and again he thought is “suck it, suck it” so he replied “OK, I will suck it for you” and take her breast and sucked.

The old lady again screamed “Oh, TUHAN!” (“Oh, My God!” in Malay).

The Mat Salleh misunderstood again. “Too HARD, OK sweet heart, I will be gentle a bit, OK?”

Suddenly the Security Office walked by, and the old lady was asking for help, “TOLONG, TOLONG, ENCIK.” (“Help, Help” in Malay).

But the Mat Salleh replied “Not too long, just about 6 inches only.”

Posted by limpek | 6 Comments » | 734 views